


In The Interest of Research

by HannaM



Category: Amnesia: The Dark Descent
Genre: Abusive Relationships, F/M, Gen, Past Father/Daughter Incest, Past Sexual Abuse, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 10:04:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannaM/pseuds/HannaM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justine left few records of her feelings for the men she turned into monsters. This is one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Interest of Research

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Darkhymns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkhymns/gifts).



> There is no explicit sex in this story, only references to it which I found constant enough to rate it M. The only rape that takes place is that which Justine canonically experiences as a child. 
> 
> I left it vague who was listening to the record, so it could be Justine or Daniel, in the latter case, there's a bit of Daniel/Justine for you!
> 
> I hope this story was something like what you wanted, Darkhymns!

_You insert the cylinder and turn the crank dubiously. You're not sure you want to hear anymore from the person who created this horrible place and captured you. The logical part of you suggests there may be clues to your own survival in Justine's ramblings. The rest of you finds it wants to know more, however horrible. Something in her voice, perhaps? You shake your head, as the recording begins to speak._  
  
  
If it should ever be in doubt, I will always be immensely grateful to Aloïs for his contributions to science.  
  
Never would I have had half the opportunities to explore and examine without the man. It was when he began insisting that he should be credited with my brilliance that I thought he could use a good lesson in pain.  
  
Not that I had not planned his eventual end from the start! At least, in outline. My ideas were not quite fully formed then-- vague sketches on paper, notions about what the human body was capable of.  
  
Aloïs always said he loved me. I was never quite sure what that meant. Papa said he loved me too, but Papa and I had some disagreements, and was quite wrong on several scores, so I cannot say that I am able to evaluate the statement properly.  
  
It didn't hurt with Aloïs. I can't imagine why I suddenly feel the urge to be coy- sexual relations, coitus, I should say, did not hurt with Aloïs. Which my father had with me as well, but was always very painful, most likely because I was too young to properly understand what he was doing. Almost certainly because I was always quite afraid whenever he did it, and tensed up from head to toe which is not an ideal condition for those kinds of acts, as I would later discover.  
  
Between my suitors, I discovered a veritable cornucopia of sexual acts, of varying levels of deviance, (or what I can only assume to be deviance, being but one woman and having a limited sample of what is "natural" between a man and a woman). Some of them did involve pain, though I did make the wonderful discovery that I could inflict this pain upon _them_ rather than their, ah, exuberance causing pain in _me_. I have never liked pain. I assumed this was a universal constant, until meeting Aloïs.  
  
There was always something quite charming about him. I think it was his eagerness to please me. Malo had that too, in the beginning, but with him I found it was a deception. Aloïs' desire to experience everything I had to give him was entirely sincere, and for that, I must thank him.  
  
I don't think it should count, what my father did to me. I told Aloïs I was a virgin, and I almost believed myself, such is the force of my own conviction. He was careful with me- so careful, I'm afraid I almost found the experience soporific!  
  
But it was a new experience, and I always do my best to be grateful for new experiences.  
  
I believe the most enjoyable sexual experience I had with Aloïs, apart from a few times where he begged me for it, was not long after I had taken up with Basile. Basile of course, thought himself a big, strong man who could order me about like a servant. But I knew he was wrong, and I would smile when he struck me for disobedience, because he knew so little of what was to befall him.  
  
 _At this point in the recording, Justine bursts into laughter. You shudder, remembering the recording of Basile's blinding._  
  
Oh, Aloïs would cry when I came to him bruised from Basile! How he would kiss each blemish on my skin, and stroke my hair.  
  
"He will pay for this!" he would insist, and draw his sword, at which point I would take his hand and shake my head.  
  
"No, sweet Aloïs. Not yet. You must be patient."  
  
"Patience be damned," he hissed, grabbing me about the waist. I had never seen such backbone in him, and I found it most intriguing.  
  
Our relations were quite different that night, with him taking charge and being quite rough with me. I should have thought it would have hurt, but it only did when he touched my bruised face and shoulder. Perhaps it is easier to make a little girl bleed and cry than a grown woman. Or perhaps, in that moment, I loved Aloïs, even if my love was only small fraction of what he felt for me.  
  
I can't really say. What is love? You cannot measure it, or test it. And yet it must exist, or Aloïs would not still be at my side. He tells me every day that he loves me. I wish I could tell him I felt the same way. But all I feel is satisfaction, or curiosity, or anger, or- I do feel things. I'm not made of stone. But I cannot understand love, and so I cannot say that I love anyone. Not even myself.  
  
Things about myself please me. Aloïs pleases me. So I told him this.  
  
He was not content.  
  
I was only being honest.


End file.
